If you think humility is a virtue much sought after, go out on the highway and watch people drive. People’s driving habits may vary slightly from place to place, but on average, drivers today are super aggressive. They cut each other off at the blink of an eye. They thread their way from lane to lane in a great race and at great risk to beat out the other guy. Are those the actions of someone awash in humility and respect for his fellow man?

Or look at the trend today to exaggerate on one’s resume, or even to put things on the resume that absolutely have no basis in fact. Humble this isn’t. It involves deception and dishonesty, and the real agenda is about looking good and achieving the goal regardless of the costs or consequences. In most corporate cultures, ‘looking good’ is the name of the game, not actually taking the risk of producing and creating for the good of the company.  Humility is perceived as complete foolishness, as behavior that is totally mal-adaptive to the competitive business environment. The super competitive ones seem to have a powerful, unspoken agenda and the achieving of that agenda is the only goal. The end justifies the means. Virtues like honesty, humility, and respect are seen as unacceptable handicaps to reaching that end or goal.

One of the fathers of economics, Adam Smith, in his famous work, Wealth of Nations, glorified the power of self-interest. He theorized that the ‘invisible hand’ of individual self-interest would reconcile the public benefit with the individual pursuit of private gain. He emphasized the importance of permitting individuals to follow their self-interest as a means of promoting national prosperity. In a recent popular movie, A Beautiful Mind, Russell Crowe plays the part of a mathematician, Mr. John Forbes Nash Jr., who in real life created a new theory for which he received the Nobel Prize in economics. The theory of the real life Mr. Nash in essence said Adam Smith was wrong. Nash proved using complex mathematics that there was at least one equilibrium point (within a system of competing players or competitors trying to win a game): "a collection of strategies by the various players such that no one player can improve his outcome by changing only his own strategy." (from "John Nash and ‘A Beautiful Mind" by John Milnor) So selfishness in a competitive situation has been dethroned, thanks to the mathematical theories of John Nash, as the best way to improve one’s economic lot. Working together with other people for a common goal offers new possibilities, but requires very different skills than being a self-centered Lone Ranger. Working cooperatively within a group, or at least being willing to honestly negotiate with others in that group, requires that each person show respect to others, knowing full well that each person will have very different opinions on possible key issues. So if their ideas and opinions are not in unison, what forms the mortar upon which this mutual respect is based?

Even though their ideas may differ, the members of a group can still have a common goal that binds them together. And they can respect each other. But what is that respect based on? The bonds that tie any group of people together into some form of community are based on what they have in common, not upon the things in which they differ. Many men have found in serving in the armed forces, especially during war-time, that the bonds that develop between them are extremely powerful; in spite of the fact that in their civilian jobs they might have been at extreme ends of the social, educational, and status ladders. What soldiers have in common is that they have suffered similar deprivations, and similar harsh social, physical, and sometimes combat environments. They have been tempered together in the same heat, whether it is in battle or just the riggers of military life. They truly discover that they have a common humanity that is far more important than all the differences that we are told in civilian life are so important.

The community bonds that form within various encounter groups, whether they are religious, marriage, or business groups are based on a similar premise. As these members initially try to form a common community bond, they discover as they become more and more honest with each other that they have many irreconcilable differences that they will never agree on. But in the act of sharing at this level of honesty, they can make an important discovery about the other members of the group. They discover that others have suffered and learned, picked him or herself up and dusted themselves off, and kept on their journey despite all their setbacks. It becomes apparent that everyone has exhibited at some level some very real courage in the face of adversity. The group develops a deeply shared appreciation for each other’s humanity. And having that in common supersedes the less important perceived differences, those differences that in the beginning of the group sharing may have seemed so important. Each member of the group, if they have really bonded as a group, has developed a new respect for every other member. And without knowing it, each member has grown immensely in their own humility. Humility is a necessary by-product of true community bonding. A lack of humility exists when an individual Lacks the connection to other people. It is very hard to have a high regard and respect for other people, and not have humility.

Try to imagine in your mind a person whom you have known very well and for whom you have tremendous respect and admiration. Visualize that person and recall the feelings that person has brought forth in you. Then try to ‘act as if’ other people that you meet are as worthy of that respect as the person you visualized. Yes it will be an ‘act’ in the beginning, but an amazing transformation may take place over time. One might actually begin to see people in a different light. The reality is that we really don’t know many other people well, even those people we think we do. So we are giving them the benefit of the doubt. And by giving them respect, a strange thing often happens. People have a strong sense of when others are respecting them, and they often times try to live ‘up’ to that respect. So changing our perception of others can have very positive effects on what others do and who they become. This is especially true of children. If children believe that their parents see them as good, they will try to live up to that expectation. And it is just as true for adults. Keep in mind the opposite is also true. If we expect little, they will offer us little. But a person who can easily offer respect to others is a person that possesses the very valuable gift of humility, a gift that has the power to transform a human environment.

In scripture we find the following: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4) In I Peter 5:5 it says: "… clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Although this advice may be counter-cultural, it seems to be compatible with Mr. Nash’s thesis of people working cooperatively to accomplish the desired goal. Perhaps there is great wisdom and utility in those words!

T. Vaillancourt, March 2002