Ideals

       As I thought about this topic I was reminded of the many graduation speeches I’ve read in the June newspapers every year. The commencement speakers seem to have the same themes in every talk. They tell the graduates to have big dreams and to pursue them with all their energy and heart. They say that if one can dream it, one can achieve it—as long as one has the drive and perseverance.

 After reading a few of these speeches I want to say “just a minute.” It’s time for a reality check. Let’s tell them something a little closer to the truth regarding life.   

 If I were to get up and address a graduating class, I could just as accurately describe life as a series of “maintenance tasks.” I could add that 95% or more of our waking hours will be spent doing mundane maintenance chores, and maybe 5% of our time doing fun and creative pursuits. Such maintenance chores might include: making a living; maintaining a home or apartment, a car, a computer; taking care of one’s health; and monitoring the well being of family members. Just imagine all the groans in the audience of those young graduates, if one were to give them this perspective on life. Yet this view has as much claim to the truth as the “you have to have a dream” version of reality.

    My point in relating this, is to highlight the fact that the difference between a happy person and an angry and disappointed one, is in the way that a person can hold on to the dream while at the same time doing all these maintenance tasks. Our identity, who we really are, is what enables us to do that. In school we learn that who we are is largely determined by the intersecting forces of nature and nurture. Nature is our genetic makeup and nurture is the sum of our environmental influences and the teaching we have received—what we learn from our families, school, and sometimes church. And the sum of all these influences determines who we are and why we do what we do. I have no argument with that point of view, but I would like to look at the question from a more subjective vantage point. As I see it, my identity or who I am, is largely determined by how I perceive the world. A famous man once said: “Everyone takes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the world.” So do I see the world as a friendly or scary place? Do I look through the eyes of cynicism or through the eyes of hope, courage, and freedom? Is the glass half empty or half full?  This identity of mine and how I see the world will in turn largely determine what my ideals are. And what my ideals are will affect how I see myself in the world.

     So what do I mean by an “ideal”? An ideal is a person’s central motivating force. It is our ultimate concern. It helps determine who we really are. It acts as a lens through which we determine what is important and what is not. We may or may not be conscious of that concern or ideal, but it under girds all our actions. Goals and ideals are sometimes confused with each other. A goal is very different. A goal is something we hope to accomplish like finding a mate or getting a college education. It is usually accompanied with some plan of action that will help us get there. An ideal on the other hand is that driving force or vision that helps us identify what is truly important in our lives and incorporates that something within ourselves and into our very being. It precedes and provides the motivation for the goal setting. To use a travel analogy—if my goal is the destination to which I’m driving, then my ideal is the car or vehicle that gets me there. Let me use an example:

     One ideal that is prevalent in people today is the need to control or dominate. The people who embody this ideal are frequently not conscious of its existence as a central motivating force within them. Others who are observing them are very conscious of it. There exists in these people an overwhelming desire to control individual circumstances, the settings and conditions of their lives, and many of the people with which they come in contact. If you are related to or have business dealings with a person possessing this ideal, you can observe how their ideal intertwines with how, why, and what that person does in their interactions with other people. Many people who strongly possess this ideal, sometimes vehemently deny its existence in themselves.

    Another ideal in today’s culture is the need to look good or be somebody of importance and influence. For a person embodying this ideal, the distinction between right and wrong, good or bad, is almost irrelevant. The real need is to always look good or look as if one were in the right. They are frequently seen justifying themselves. Sometimes they are overly concerned with their appearance or how they carry themselves. They are sensitive to other people showing them respect. Their deepest sense of security is dependent upon how they think other people see them, not on how they see themselves.

     I have illustrated two examples of a possible ideal: (1) the need to control or dominate, and (2) the need to look good and feel important. But there are many other ideals that are equally as common such as: the drive for security, the need to accumulate money and wealth, and the pursuit of pleasure. Another is the need to always win, and for some their ideal is doing whatever is necessary to enhance the well being of their family members. The matter of an ideal is not an either/or situation. Most of us have a number of different ideals. The problem with that is that sometimes one ideal will compete with another. Which one should prevail? A wise man once said that purity of heart is to will one thing. The fewer ideals that one has in play, the less potential conflict one will have to suffer from.

     Are some ideals better than others? What makes an ideal life-giving or life-taking? What ideal provides us with the courage to be—the courage we need to face life’s most challenging difficulties? Which ideal will point us to the path that will provide us true freedom and life’s most fulfilling joys? Your ideal is the compass needle which directs your life. And the quality of your life is very dependent upon that direction. Some of the ideals I mentioned happen to be self-centered ideals. Their ultimate concern is the big “I”, the ego with little or nor regard to the welfare of others. Some other ideals exists which are non-egocentric. But I would strongly suggest to you that any ideals you choose that are totally self-centered, will take you down the road to cynicism and despair.

     To throw a little more light on this distinction, I would like to discuss a man who had a non self-centered ideal. His name was Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a Christian pastor in Germany during World War II. He was perceived by the Nazis as a threat; so they imprisoned him in April 1943. Two years later in 1945 he was executed on a Nazi gallows. But during those two years of imprisonment, many of his letters and papers were smuggled out of prison. They provide us with a glimpse of his mind and spirit during those difficult times. What internal compass provided him with the courage to be? An English officer who was also imprisoned with Bonhoeffer said that “Bonhoeffer … was all humility and sweetness, he always seemed to me to diffuse an atmosphere of happiness, of joy in every smallest event in life, and of deep gratitude for the mere fact that he was alive…”

     I would like to offer up some excerpts from his papers that relate to our topic of ideals. Bonhoeffer asks: “Who stands his ground? Only the man whose ultimate criterion is not in his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all these things when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith…” (pg 19, Letters and Papers from Prison) It’s not that Bonhoeffer did not believe that reason and conscience and virtue were important. He well knew their importance. But he also knew they could be twisted and manipulated to bring about an evil result rather than a good one. He saw what had happened to his countrymen. The Nazi’s had used their powers of reason. They had their principles. They made their sacrifices. But the depths of evil that were caused by the Nazi Party were absolutely horrendous—the likes of which mankind has rarely ever seen. Bonhoeffer knew we could not depend solely on reason and principles to guarantee a good outcome.

     So what ground do we stand on? What should our ultimate concern really be? You have probably asked yourselves these questions before, but we need to re-ask them in search of deeper and truer answers. Once we have chosen an ideal for our lives, then we can set some goals, near term and long term. We can choose goals that lead us in the direction of peace and freedom.

     Bonhoeffer while in prison was seen as an icon of human dignity and strength. People risked their lives to smuggle out his letters and papers. Bonhoeffer’s name and reputation are known worldwide. So what was his underlying ideal that allowed him to be this remarkable man? In his papers are listed some of his personal goals which grew out of his underlying ideal. Perhaps they can offer clues to what his ideal was. He called these goals “stations on the road to freedom.”

     The four stations he mentions are discipline, action, suffering, and death. His descriptions of these are as follows:

Discipline: “If you would find freedom, learn above all to discipline your senses and your soul. Be not led hither and thither by your desires and your members. Keep your spirit and your body chaste, wholly subject to you, and obediently seeking the goal that is set before you. None can learn the secret of freedom, save by discipline.

Action: “To do and dare—not what you would, but what is right. Never to hesitate over what is within your power, but boldly to grasp what lies before you. Not in the flight of fancy, but only in the deed there is freedom.”

Suffering: “O wondrous change! Those hands, once so strong and active, have now been bound. Helpless and forlorn, you see the end of your deed. Yet with a sign of relief you resign your cause to a stronger hand, and are content to do so.”

Death: “Come now, Queen of the feasts on the road to eternal freedom! O death, cast off the grievous chains and lay low the thick walls of our mortal body and our blinded soul, that at last we may behold what here we have failed to see.”

     It may not seem immediately obvious that death should be the fourth station on the road to freedom, but I can think of two reasons why it should. I lost my mother almost two years ago, and during the last two weeks of her life she was in a great deal of pain. It was really a horror for her and our family. When death finally came, it was a tremendous release for her from a terrible suffering. So death can be in its own way a freedom from suffering. The second reason death can lead to freedom is that when we come face to face with it, as we do when a loved one passes, we get a chance to see what is really important. It becomes a lens through which we can better see. As I told my son, Andre, at the time, death keeps us honest with ourselves. We get to see that what we consider so important amongst all the busy-ness of our lives is sometimes very trivial. When we are saying our last good-byes to someone we love, as we communicate through looks and touches rather than words, we glimpse the fact that we can be an angel of compassion, a last tender connection. We can hum a lullaby in the quiet of the night that quells the fear that might otherwise overcome the loved one. From this we realize the tremendous potential we have to be ambassadors of compassion to others—to anyone in need. It doesn’t have to be just our loved ones that we can minister to. So death, it seems, can free us from mistaken priorities if we allow it to. Death can be a spell-breaker—the spell that convinces us that the here and now, what we see and touch, is all there is. Death can put us in touch with a deeper reality.

     There is a humorous line that I’m sure most of you have heard, that says that life is a game and the winner of the game is the one who dies with the most expensive toys. Most would deny that that is the game they are playing, but people laugh at that line because there is a hint of truth to it. If one observes what people actually do, rather than what they say, one might easily draw the conclusion that accumulating wealth and property is the game many people are really playing. Sometimes we have to look at what we do, to know the truth about ourselves. How do we spend our time? How do we spend our talent? And how do we spend our treasure or money?

    In 1969 I returned from a 16 month tour of duty in Vietnam. I spent that time working in the Army Surgeon Generals office, USARV Headquarters. We had lots of documentation on the horrors of war—lots of pictures of wounded GI’s in Medevac Hospitals. I spent two weeks myself in a Long Binh hospital due to illness, and saw first hand in the showers and on the ward what the wounded bodies of young GI’s really looked like. It was quite different from looking at the photos. As a result of that exposure, when I got back to the US of A, what I wasn’t concerned about was money. It was quite obvious to me how overrated money was. And the idea of “winning” anything didn’t hold a lot of meaning for me, either. I had a lot of sorting out to do, which took a lot of time and a lot of work. Some returning vets never could figure it out. 70,000 of them have committed suicide over the years because they couldn’t work it through. That’s 12,000 more than the number of names on the Vietnam Memorial in Washington D.C.

    We have an opportunity this weekend to do some serious sorting. What really is important? What should our ultimate concern be? What is our real ideal? Will I intentionally choose an ideal for my life rather than picking one by default? I’m inviting you to dig really deep inside—and come up with the deepest truth you can find within yourself. You’ve asked yourself the “why” questions many times before. But this time try to come up with the most authentic and honest answers you can find within yourself. That’s one of our missions here this weekend. The ideal you discover may have a powerful influence on who you become, and the level of courage, hope, and the sense of freedom you carry with you into the future. My wish is that you will take on that exploration.

In my eulogy to my mother at her passing I said: “And because you, mom, have walked and danced, loved and sacrificed, sung your song to the melody you heard, and brought all of us, your children, into this world to join in the dance; we too have learned that “It’s a Wonderful Life.”  

If I can adopt an ideal for myself that will encourage me to dance to the music I hear and reach for the God given freedom I was meant to have, it will transport me down freedom road to a destination beyond anything I could ever have anticipated on my own, and I, too, will have a wonderful life.